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” HOW TO CHOOSE YOUR MATE ” (1/2)

19 Mar

Out of Mood……..(1/2)
by Hala Kamal on Thursday, 21 April 2011 at 01:47 ·
I’m deeply concerned of all that may help our youth …. I was asked many times from teenagers ( my sons & daughters as well as their friends ) the same question over & over again , that is : ” HOW TO CHOOSE ONE’S MATE ” each time I used to mention variety of factors according to my beliefs & experiences …until one day I read a wonderful book , written by a wonderful lady ,
I was -still am- fascinated by the richness & sophistication of her style …

This awesome, magnificent lady is called : Clarissa Pincola Estees , she’s a poet , latino- activist , she’s the world winning author of ” the Women Who Run With Wolves ” , she’s senior psycho-analyst who has practiced & taught for 20 years as an artist & resident for the state of ” Colorado ” ,she also serves as a ” Contadora ” keeper of the old stories …..

Clarissa stated 10 important factors as guidelines for those who wish for a successful relationship …

HOW TO CHOOSE YOUR MATE :

Needless to say that by using exactly the same word of the author , we here mean husband or wife …

1 – Close your eyes & see – as if you were blind – what you feel of that person , their kindness , insight , devotion,
their ability to be concerned with you , their ability to care for you & for themselves as independent beings.
Although our culture give more weight to what we see with open eyes , it’s far more important what we see with our eyes closed ….

2 – Choose someone who has similar values about life , work , money , family matters , having children & so forth ….you have to be able to see where the relationship is headed ..
Choosing of similar values has to do with decreasing the friction in a relationship , if there are different values , it should be worked out before there’s a long-term commitment to a relationship ..

3 – Choose the person who has an inner , fruitful life : fulfilling jobs , enjoyable hobbies , be it art , sport or meditation , most importantly doing something that they love …
someone who through his journey sees you as a partner , to have the ability to MERGE with one another & yet feel SEPARATE from one another , there are times to be merged as one being & other times you should part from one another, you might say that the bond between you is more like a flesh that goes out of you , be stretched & stretched for thousands of miles but never cut or broken , that’s the kind of relationship you need to have …Choose someone who makes your life richer , more valuable & worth-living …

4 – Choose someone , when you hurt them , they feel pain & they are willing to show it , & vise versa
someone , who when they hurt you , they see you & they feel sorry … there are many ways in which people portrait pain ..By expressing , we can be able to communicate …
It’s so bad when you do something hurting & cruel to your mate & he or she shows no reaction , this either means something’s wrong in their feeling function or that they have given up on you , that they no longer allow themselves to be fully human in your presence …. Many of us may have been wounded from a previous relationship … you start with high hopes , but somewhere along the way there’s failure & disappointment … so their ability to hurt their mate maybe over-grown , they should be able to stop when they see pain in the other’s face …

5 – Choose someone who’s compassionate , someone’s willing , able to listen .. someone who gives equal time, in particular if you are a ” driving person ” because by having a mate who ‘s not so quite as driven as you eventually , you’ll pick up some low rhythms of him – or her – which is sometimes good for you ….
There should be a harmony established , it takes time , sometimes 7 or 8 years building the miracle of establishing the so-called harmonic rhythm , thus they could say they found the profound meaning of love …………………………………………………………… ( to be continued )

Hala Kamal
20-4-2011

 
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Posted by on March 19, 2012 in Relationships

 

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