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” HOW TO CHOOSE YOUR MATE ” (2/2)

Out of Mood ………….. How to choose your mate 2/2
by Hala Kamal on Friday, 22 April 2011 at 23:46 ·

6 – If there’s one thing that makes the difference among life-long lovers , a person who has the ability to learn, there’s a saying in spanish: ” ignorante’ spoko tolerante’ ” it means those who are without knowledge are often intolerant, those who can not know or learn new ways, seek things in new lights , be able to be curious about the world & how things work , often close up & say: no… things have to be this & that way only and for life-long relationships, it’s better to have someone who doesn’t lack flexibility or open-mindedness, gradually learning to evolve…

7 – Choose someone who’s willing to be like you both strong & sensitive those qualities that women have sometimes: being tough and fragile, tough on one side and fragile on the other.
They can take huge loads but they may fall apart over some things that are really small and simple.
It’s somehow like a tree, deep rooted in the earth, it may go back and forth with the strong wind but it won’t bend or break. In terms of sensitivity, we mean the ability to see, to be alert towards each others’ feelings and needs of their minds as well as of their hearts.
Some people have problems articulating it, so (going back to number 6) is so important, as you know you may have all the potentials in the world, to be kind, loving, and devoted and the most excellent lover known to human kind, but if you can’t learn to develop your potential, then Nada (nothing).

8- Choose someone who has similar passions in life to your own. A relationship is for making memories together, like saving accounts. And you do things together, like taking snap shots and saving for later, this is the glue of a relationship. There grow memories, remembering good times together, but also going through hard times. A strong relationship most certainly is built on mutual support, sharing something simple as: lying in the bathtub together, something as drying your hair out in the sunshine together, like walking around the block every night.

9- Choose someone who can laugh at themselves in the midst of an argument, the value is not only having someone who can do it, but you yourself must know how and when to stop and make a joke, suddenly he or she responses and you may find yourselves laughing and crying altogether. It’s a real gift, it takes practice and it’s a skill.

10- Being able to overlook certain faults and characteristics, maybe something which was in the beginning nice and charming, may later on be unacceptable or drive you crazy.
So, know what you can live with and don’t be seduced by thinking that something really is annoying to other people but for you it’s ok, because you are in love, and he or she who does it, is your lover.
The case is if it’s a dramatic fault, you’ll never be able to accept it or cure it, for instance, several things that are intolerable in any relationship, whether it’s a marriage, business partnership or anything else…
Alcoholism, abuse of any kind, gambling, criminal activity, anything that takes the person away from his true self and life… a person cannot tell the truth, a person who cannot give loyalty or sincerity, a person who is used to make mistakes and always covers it up dramatically, thus you’d be starting the relationship on a shaking or unbalanced ground.

Hala Kamal
hala.kamal@gmail.com
22-4-2011

 
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Posted by on March 19, 2012 in Relationships

 

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” HOW TO CHOOSE YOUR MATE ” (1/2)

Out of Mood……..(1/2)
by Hala Kamal on Thursday, 21 April 2011 at 01:47 ·
I’m deeply concerned of all that may help our youth …. I was asked many times from teenagers ( my sons & daughters as well as their friends ) the same question over & over again , that is : ” HOW TO CHOOSE ONE’S MATE ” each time I used to mention variety of factors according to my beliefs & experiences …until one day I read a wonderful book , written by a wonderful lady ,
I was -still am- fascinated by the richness & sophistication of her style …

This awesome, magnificent lady is called : Clarissa Pincola Estees , she’s a poet , latino- activist , she’s the world winning author of ” the Women Who Run With Wolves ” , she’s senior psycho-analyst who has practiced & taught for 20 years as an artist & resident for the state of ” Colorado ” ,she also serves as a ” Contadora ” keeper of the old stories …..

Clarissa stated 10 important factors as guidelines for those who wish for a successful relationship …

HOW TO CHOOSE YOUR MATE :

Needless to say that by using exactly the same word of the author , we here mean husband or wife …

1 – Close your eyes & see – as if you were blind – what you feel of that person , their kindness , insight , devotion,
their ability to be concerned with you , their ability to care for you & for themselves as independent beings.
Although our culture give more weight to what we see with open eyes , it’s far more important what we see with our eyes closed ….

2 – Choose someone who has similar values about life , work , money , family matters , having children & so forth ….you have to be able to see where the relationship is headed ..
Choosing of similar values has to do with decreasing the friction in a relationship , if there are different values , it should be worked out before there’s a long-term commitment to a relationship ..

3 – Choose the person who has an inner , fruitful life : fulfilling jobs , enjoyable hobbies , be it art , sport or meditation , most importantly doing something that they love …
someone who through his journey sees you as a partner , to have the ability to MERGE with one another & yet feel SEPARATE from one another , there are times to be merged as one being & other times you should part from one another, you might say that the bond between you is more like a flesh that goes out of you , be stretched & stretched for thousands of miles but never cut or broken , that’s the kind of relationship you need to have …Choose someone who makes your life richer , more valuable & worth-living …

4 – Choose someone , when you hurt them , they feel pain & they are willing to show it , & vise versa
someone , who when they hurt you , they see you & they feel sorry … there are many ways in which people portrait pain ..By expressing , we can be able to communicate …
It’s so bad when you do something hurting & cruel to your mate & he or she shows no reaction , this either means something’s wrong in their feeling function or that they have given up on you , that they no longer allow themselves to be fully human in your presence …. Many of us may have been wounded from a previous relationship … you start with high hopes , but somewhere along the way there’s failure & disappointment … so their ability to hurt their mate maybe over-grown , they should be able to stop when they see pain in the other’s face …

5 – Choose someone who’s compassionate , someone’s willing , able to listen .. someone who gives equal time, in particular if you are a ” driving person ” because by having a mate who ‘s not so quite as driven as you eventually , you’ll pick up some low rhythms of him – or her – which is sometimes good for you ….
There should be a harmony established , it takes time , sometimes 7 or 8 years building the miracle of establishing the so-called harmonic rhythm , thus they could say they found the profound meaning of love …………………………………………………………… ( to be continued )

Hala Kamal
20-4-2011

 
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Posted by on March 19, 2012 in Relationships

 

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